


On the edge of forever

by Languorous_Sky



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Adult Content, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s03e21 Same As It Never Was, F/M, Pining, Pre-Same As It Never Was, Separation Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-08 12:43:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15930689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Languorous_Sky/pseuds/Languorous_Sky
Summary: As you grow older and the years go by, people who once meant the world to you may exit your life in unexpected ways. April has to deal with the pain of letting go and come to terms with the fact that life is, at best, bittersweet.(A series of intertwined drabbles, showing moments shared between Leo and April over the years.)





	1. Wounds

**Author's Note:**

> Trying my hands on some LeoApril as they've always had an interesting, underlying chemistry in 2k3 and being an underrated couple there aren't enough works about them to begin with. 
> 
> Remember that the age difference between them is 8 years! At the beginning of the series Leo is fifteen and April is twenty-three. The following drabbles will show them over the years and I'll let you do the math as I drop hints when each scene is taking place. 
> 
> There will be some canon divergence leading up to SAINW in later chapters.
> 
> Two of my main LeoApril songs are "Il N'Y A Pas D'Amour Heureux" by Françoise Hardy and "Duet" by Penny and Sparrow. I recommend listening to them to get the general mood of the full story.

_ Man never truly possesses anything _ _  
_ _ Neither his strength, nor his weakness, nor his heart _

*

He was nineteen when he’d first felt it.

*

April tried not to look but she kept glancing up anyway. He was watching her, not saying a word as she tended the scars on his cheek and shoulders; the wounds were shallow but the blood wouldn't stop seeping.

She looked up again and he held her gaze with a guarded expression.

How long could this go on? Leo and his brothers going up against the evil that resided in the underbelly of the city, night after night. They were trained fighters but there was only so much the four brothers could do. There was no endpoint to this lifestyle and April had to live with the very real possibility that one day, one of them might just...not make it home. 

Cold crept through her body at the thought. She felt a slight tremor in her hand that pressed the washcloth against Leo’s cheek. She pulled away quickly but he caught her wrist. 

He’d noticed.

April glanced up and there it was, that faraway sadness in his eyes like he could simply read her every thought. There had always been an unspoken connection between them - a quiet harmony no one spoke of. Sure, she’d been closest to Donny who was her best friend but Leo was...she couldn’t put a name to it. Not yet. 

“April…” he started with a concerned expression. 

April bit her lower lip - she shouldn't make him worried, he had so much to shoulder already. Her job was to stand firm, welcome them - her family - home and make them feel safe. The last thing she’d wanted was to make Leo worry about her well-being. 

Leo let go of her wrist and lifted his hand to her cheek, deft fingers catching a few stray strands that escaped her already messy bun and tucked them behind her ear. It was a small but intimate gesture. April closed her eyes and drew a shaky breath, steadying herself and trying not to lean into that gentle hand. 

“Please, be careful…” she whispered, not trusting her voice. 

Leo didn't say anything as his shoulders sagged and gaze lowered. April never said it but he knew she was scared for their lives and there was nothing he could really say to make her feel better. Injuries were an everyday occurrence in their lifestyle and fatal wounds were a possibility that they could not deny.

April frowned in frustration, mentally kicking herself as she wiped at the tear that rolled down her cheek, past those treacherous eyelashes. She must’ve been really tired, not being able to keep her composure in front of him. Lately everything seemed difficult. Bit by bit, she was losing sight and direction in her life, and Casey… well. Things haven’t been easy between them and it affected everything else, including just how much April could mentally endure. The mutant family had noticed the increased tension between their human friends but decided not to interfere with their personal life and vice versa - she didn’t want to drag them into it. But she felt closed off and it was slowly consuming her from the inside out. 

April felt arms circle around her back and soon found herself held against the turtle. Her eyes widened.

“I’m… I’m sorry, it’s just that—“ she gasped.

“I know,” Leo murmured, “it’s alright, April. It’s just me. You can cry if you need to.”

And she did. He held her in the quiet afternoon light and in that moment April felt safe for the first time in a long time to just...let go. To cry. To show pain. To be vulnerable. She fell apart and knew Leo would be there to pick her up. 

He’d always be there. 

She clung to that belief with the same naivety that made her stay with Casey for another three years, thinking they could work things out.

Life, however, was a little more complicated.


	2. Anchor

_ And when he tries to embrace happiness, he crushes it _ _  
_ _ His life is a strange and painful divorce _

*

She was thirty when her marriage fell apart.

*

Right hand gliding while her left rested in her lap, April’s fingers ran across the keys, a simple melody filling the room. She hummed the chorus, not knowing the lyrics.

The upright piano was placed in the far corner of the shop, the pedal creaking with age. It’s been there forever, her usual patrons not looking to buy an instrument of such size when drifting into her store. April had developed a fondness for it: the piano was old, the casing scratched, dents breaking the lacquer here and there - but it still sounded beautiful.

It was almost 9 p.m. and she’d already closed the shop. April knew if she continued to play, the upstairs neighbours would surely come down to complain...but she couldn't stop herself. Over and over she played the same, simple tune, like a goodbye to something old and forgotten; a childhood she left behind.

“I didn’t know you play,” a familiar voice said from somewhere behind her.

April’s hand stilled but she held the pedal down, the last note echoing through the room until it faded out. 

She didn’t turn to look at him as she said “I don’t… I mean, not really.” Her voice sounded uncharacteristically monotone and gray. “Just the melody part of this one old song, I don’t even know how to play the chords with my left hand.”

Leo stepped closer.

She cut him off before he even said a word. “It’s from a French song. It used to be on the radio when I was a kid. I had no idea what the lyrics meant but somehow I understood anyway and I just…” she swallowed and took a breath, “It came to me after he…”

After Casey left.

April visibly tensed, trying to keep her shoulders from shaking in silent tears. After a moment, Leo put a hand on her shoulder and gently squeezed. 

_ I’m here for you. _

A choked sob tore from her throat. Strangely enough it wasn't even the fact that her marriage with Casey was over, that things ended the way they did. Their relationship took a long time to die, until one day she woke up to realize she couldn’t go on like this; that she had to let him go.

No, that wasn’t it.

She was mourning the end of a life she knew. She was so used to the dynamic of her small little family and now there was a gaping hole in it. People and relationships shape who you are and April knew she wasn’t the same person she used to be before she met Casey and the turtles. Casey had left an imprint on her life and even if she couldn’t stay by him anymore, adjusting to a life without him was going to take a while. It wasn’t helping that Casey was also a big part of the turtles’ lives and while they’ve discussed that Casey wouldn’t cut contact with them (especially not with Raph who was his best friend), April still felt responsible for throwing the entire family into disarray because it was ultimately her decision to get a divorce.

Suddenly, she felt embarrassed for crying in front of the blue masked turtle. She curled in on herself as if trying to disappear, her hair providing a makeshift curtain to hide her face; one hand lifted over her mouth, trying to stifle the gasps.

She felt Leo shift to her side. The turtle took her gently by the wrists and pulled her up from the bench. April let him lead her away from the instrument and up the stairs to her apartment.

Still slightly hazy from crying, April was vaguely aware of being sat down on the sofa. Then she heard the turtle rummage through her kitchen cabinets and the sound of boiling water filled the room. Soon the kettle whistled and the next thing she knew green fingers were prying her hands open to place a warm mug between them. The scent of green tea wafted up to her.

Leo sat down next to her and they remained in companionable silence, his quiet presence and the warmth between her fingers soothing her mind.

After a while she broke the silence, her voice still a bit hoarse from crying, “Thanks, Leo. I’m sorry for breaking down like that, I wasn’t expecting any…” she didn’t finish. Saying she didn’t expect company would imply she didn’t want him there but the truth was quite the opposite.

She wanted him to stay.

Leo regarded her with a thoughtful expression. “You’ve lost weight…” he observed.

April flinched. “I… haven’t had much of an appetite lately.” She tucked a loose strand behind her ear, self-conscious under his scrutiny and trying to avoid his knowing eyes. The t-shirt that hung loosely around her frame suddenly felt two sizes too big as she was made aware of her boney complexion.

Leo leaned forward, elbows propped on his knees. “Do you remember what you’ve told me years ago, that one afternoon when you were patching me up?”

April frowned, her mind too tired to dig up the memory. She looked up at him. “I…”

_ ‘“Please, be careful _ .”’ he quoted.

April blinked. “What—“

“You asked me to be careful. To take better care of myself. Now I’m asking you to do the same.”

“But I—“

“You’re going through a painful separation and you need mental strength to deal with it. Your mind cannot support you if your body doesn’t have the necessary energy to back it up.”

He sounded concerned so April tried to force on a watery smile for his sake.

“I know. Stress makes my stomach disagree though… It’s difficult to keep things down.” She took a sip of the warm beverage. “The tea feels nice though. Thank you.”

Leo pushed on, “You should at least have some soup and rice, those are bland enough to not make you sick.”

“I actually had some earlier and have the leftovers in the fridge.” When Leo cocked an eyeridge, she quickly added, “I swear!”

He chuckled as he said, “Alright. But I might still send Mikey over later to cook for you and make sure you eat.”

Leo making jokes was always a rare treat and April laughed out loud despite herself, some color finally returning to her cheeks.

“You’re going to get through this, April.” Leo added in a serious tone, “You have more inner strength than you recognize but acknowledging the pain is part of working through it.”

April stared at the bottom of her mug, her smile dropping. She closed her eyes to let the words sink in as she nodded slowly.

“It’s late, I’ll let you get some rest,” Leo said as he got to his feet. He was stepping around the coffee table when April sprung to her feet and grabbed him by the arm. 

“Leo, I—..”

The turtle turned around to face her and they both froze.

They were too close.

April had no idea what she was going to say as she lost herself in the depth of his dark gray eyes. Finally, she murmured quietly, “...Thank you for being here,”  _ with me _ , she didn’t add and without thinking she leaned up and pecked him at the corner of his mouth. The implication behind the gesture wasn’t lost on either of them and as soon as she pulled away she felt the heat rise to her cheeks. She lowered her gaze, her hand dropping away from his arm, heart suddenly in her throat.

What was she even doing…? Her hands curled into fists with quiet frustration and embarrassment.

Leo stood still while regarding her with a thoughtful expression. He put a hand under her chin to lift her gaze back up to him, brushing his thumb over her jaw in a soothing manner. She looked so small and frail. He wanted to protect her from the invisible demons plaguing her mind; to see her smile again. But...

“...I’m not the one you need, April.” her said quietly. “But I’ll always be there for you. All of us will. Some things have changed but this never will: you are family and we love you.”

_ I love you. _

April didn’t even try to stop the rush of tears. Not trusting her voice, she shut her eyes and nodded. “I love you guys, too.” she said, her voice trembling as she leaned forward to rest her forehead on his shoulder. Warm arms tightened around her protectively.

There is family you’re born into and family you choose for yourself. The turtles and Master Splinter were April’s chosen family and she’d never felt more grateful to have them by her side. 

If only they could be there forever...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may be wondering why I've included a piano again after having written "Tune of her soul" around the same instrument. Both stories are a tribute to my own acoustic piano - which I have to say goodbye to. Soon I'll be moving and I can't take it with me anymore (I don't really play anymore either). I've had it since I was seven years old so it's been a part of my life for a very long time and I'm sad for having to let it go... I wanted to preserve the memory somehow so I wrote the instrument into these stories. Of course April's and Karai's level of mastery is like night and day. But I like the idea that April may know the very basics, never really having any background in music, while Karai was basically groomed to be a concert pianist.
> 
> Here is the song April played: https://youtu.be/7Q1u4cfsUOg


	3. Need

_My beautiful love, my dear love, my torn heart_ _  
_ _I carry you in me like a wounded bird_

*

He was twenty-five when he came to her one night.

*

Donatello was gone. None of them knew what had happened. One day he’d simply vanished as if the world had swallowed him whole - no traces, no clues.

Nothing had ever been the same again. Donny’s disappearance had ripped something out of her - another shift in April’s life. Another loss. She was so afraid she’d lose them all in battle and yet this seemed even more cruel.

When there was no explanation, there could be no closure.

Donny had been her best friend. If Casey had left a void in her heart, Donny left a gaping hole in her very soul. She mourned with her little mutant family but even if she wasn’t the only one deeply affected, she’d still felt somehow alone in her loss. It suffocated her.

And the quiet panic kept creeping up.

_Who’s going to be next?_

She never talked about or discussed the underlying anxiety with any of them. Splinter had sensed the disturbance in her aura and had gently tried to make her open up but she politely declined every time.

This, however, was a huge blow to all of them. After the first few months of non-stop searching, they started losing hope little by little. Months went by...then half a year...and one day they have stopped searching altogether.

In the beginning April made sure to visit them as often as possible, trying to keep her family together, to lessen the pain somehow. But she felt herself crumbling a little more every time she found herself in the lair. Her eyes wandered to the abandoned workstation: Donny’s last project sat on top of the desk, now covered with a thin sheet to keep the dust off. It looked like a corpse and it unnerved her. She never mentioned it, knowing the brothers only wanted to keep things the way Donny had left them - perhaps to preserve any remains of what was left of their lost brother. Or in a vain hope that he’ll return someday to pick up where he’d left off.

They were all in bad shape. Master Splinter fell ill from worry, the stress taking its toll on his body and the recovery had been slow due to his age. Mikey stopped smiling and buried himself in video games. Raph was hardly ever home, taking out his frustration topside, perhaps in the company of Casey; he’d sometimes disappear for weeks.

As for Leo - he kept drifting away more than the others. After making sure Master Splinter was back on his feet and didn’t need constant vigilance and care, Leo lost himself in meditation to the point he wouldn’t come out of his room for days on end, wandering the astral plane in search of something...clues, perhaps. A trace of Donny’s chi. Anything.

April knew it in her gut - knew what was coming next and she couldn’t bear the idea.

After a while she simply stopped going to the lair other than to bring over supplies twice a month. It was just too much for her to bear, seeing her broken family and being unable to help, being haunted by memories… She needed time away to collect herself - if she even managed that.

Sleeping was a struggle and tonight was no different. She was exhausted but her mind was racing and she couldn’t relax. She tossed and turned, staring at the wall, the ceiling, the clock on her nightstand blinking in digital red light: 3:26 a.m. She sighed heavily and closed her eyes.

There was a tap on the window in the other room and April jerked upright in her bed, the sudden motion making her dizzy. She took a moment to center herself and then got up.

A familiar silhouette was obscuring her window. She opened the glass and Leo hopped into her living room, bringing with him the scent of rain and autumn night air.

April wanted to say something, to offer him a cup of tea, _anything_ to preserve a sense of normalcy but… She was beyond words and so was he. Leo stood still and somehow he looked older than ever - tired and beyond hope.

She felt empty. She had nothing to offer him. Not even a word of sympathy. They shared a silent grief and suddenly she felt numb all over. Her hair, a complete mess on her head was a fine allegory to the mess that stormed inside her.

_Give me something… anything to hold on to._

April looked up with tired, red rimmed eyes and as if on cue, Leo closed the distance between them, crushing her against his chest.

_I’m here._

April let out a half-choked moan that sounded more like a sob.

_Please._

She clung to his neck for dear life and brushed her cheek against his in silent invitation. Tentative kisses travelled up her neck and jaw, his lips hot on her skin. April closed her eyes and melted against him. She turned her head and their lips met in a desperate kiss, as if begging to hold on, to survive, to _stay._

_Please don’t leave me behind._

In that moment she’d witnessed Leo letting go of control willingly perhaps for the first time ever. His passion burst forward like a tidal wave and she let it crash over her and wash her away. His hands glided over her body, feeling every curve like he was memorizing her; making sure she was still there, still part of their reality. He tugged at her nightshirt until it came off. The loose bun on top of her head came undone, fiery hair cascading past her shoulders, silky strands caressing his skin.

Leo kept repeating her name in quiet murmurs, over and over like a mantra, kissing her tears away, his hands exploring her naked skin.

April’s head was spinning and she realized she was crying. Too much. This was too much. So many thoughts were battling in her mind that it felt impossible to hold on to a single one, much less make sense of what was happening.

And then she felt him shiver under her fingertips.

Leo - the one firm touchstone in her life, the unshakable oak, the ancient mountain - now shaking beneath her touch and coming apart at the seams.

Suddenly his hands froze in their movement and he took a shaky breath to center himself.

“Leo…?” she breathed between sobs.

He looked up and his eyes held so much pain it nearly broke her heart. But beneath the pain there was something else.

Apology. Hunger. Need.

_Don’t leave me on the precipice._

April closed her eyes and kissed him.

Somehow they ended up in her bed, clothes and gear thrown haphazardly across the floor, bodies tangled and moving in tandem. The bed creaked, the sheets rustled. She couldn’t think, couldn’t remember. There was only Leonardo - around her and inside of her. His scent, his voice, his skin… In that moment, he was her entire world and she wanted to reside there forever, let him wash away the pain and the hollowness in her heart.

April couldn't breathe as he drove her to the top, a single instant of bliss in the darkness that was slowly taking over their lives. Too overwhelmed in mind and body, she passed out in her ecstasy.

As April drifted between sleep and wakefulness, Leo appeared in her dreamscape. He was standing at the foot of an endless bridge, looking out over New York. The city looked like a ghost town, buildings destroyed and abandoned, nothing left alive in the midst of rubble; an apocalyptic landscape reeking with the stench of death. April had a strange sense of déjà vu that she couldn’t explain. As she approached him, he turned to face her and said something but his voice didn’t carry over.

She felt a familiar pain in her heart: the pain of losing someone.

She was drifting awake when his voice finally reached her - a delayed echo in her waking.

 _“Forgive me..._ ”

By morning, Leo was gone. And April knew it in her heart: he wasn’t coming back. Not now. Not next week. Perhaps… never.

She had no strength to leave the bed the entire day, burying her face into the pillow that still held his scent. By dusk she managed to cry herself to sleep, holding on to the memory of the night before as it was slowly fading into a half-forgotten dream.


	4. Atonement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack choice for this chapter is "Farewell" by Dario Marianelli (though honestly I recommend the entire "Atonement" soundtrack, it's perfect for SAINW) + "End of the Line" by Henry Jackman. Prepare your tissue boxes.

_By the time we learn to live_ _  
__It's already too late_ _  
__Our hearts cry in unison at night_ _  
__It takes many a misfortune for the simplest song_ _  
_  
_There is no happy love_

*

She was forty-nine when she’d told him.

*

April would see him sometimes, near the riverbank close to the broken Brooklyn Bridge.

Leo had gone solo a long time ago. Unable to be near anyone anymore, he was like a seashell shut so tight April didn’t know if she could ever peer inside of him again. He may as well have been a ghost, the way he materialized and evaporated without warning.

After Leo had left sixteen years ago, their family broke up for good. Raph couldn’t forgive the eldest and accused him of abandoning them. After two weeks of endless fury, the red banded turtle packed a backpack and stormed out by himself, swearing he’d find him and bring him back (before killing him, of course), leaving Mikey alone with their Father.

April made sure to visit them daily. Splinter was becoming weaker, his mind and aging body unable to take the stress. Raph sent text messages every other week, then with less and less frequency. He came home once in a while, only to take off again the next day and disappear for months, roaming the country in search of their brother.

April and Mikey pulled through like that for years, taking care of Splinter. The once cheerful turtle grew up to be serious and reserved. He never complained, taking to the responsibility that had befallen him without question. After a while, Mikey started to remind April of Leonardo and it was unnerving.

For a while Splinter’s health started to get better, up until—

Until all hell broke loose over New York. The Shredder raided the city with unexpected ferocity and everything afterwards was a blur. Men, women and children were murdered on the streets and in their homes without mercy. Those who were left alive were taken away, their basic human rights stripped from them as they were forced to work in the Shredder’s concentration camps. Squadrons of Foot Police took control of the city, wiping out everything that moved.

And the Shredder didn’t stop there… he didn’t want New York - he wanted the entire world.

Amidst the insanity, Raph came back with Casey in tow. April hadn’t seen her ex-husband in years but she was relieved to see them both alive. They needed to stay together now more than ever.

Not long after that the prodigal son had also returned, ending his self-imposed exile in a foreign land the moment he’d heard about the invasion in New York.

Except, he was too late.

A week before his arrival the Foot Police had found the lair. Heavily outnumbered and cornered, there wasn’t much the family could do but run. Splinter went down first; Casey went down shortly after, protecting him. Mikey had to drag a screaming Raph and a shocked April away from the scene - if they wanted to live, they had no choice but to flee as far away as possible and cover up their tracks. They ended up at an abandoned building on the outskirts of the city.

Leo had found them after a day’s search and Raph, still raw with pain, completely lost it when he saw the eldest. Blind with rage and blame, he attacked his big brother with a vicious snarl. Mikey had jumped in between but Raph had shoved him head-first against a wall so hard he’d been knocked unconscious.

It all happened in a split of a second but time seemed to slow down as April’s eyes widened. Her wretched scream echoed through the building as Raph’s sai slashed right across Leo’s eyes, blinding him for good.

She still had nightmares about that day and all the following horrors that came later.

The bombing. The public executions. The stench of death that lingered in the air.

Everything was a ruin.

Now, looking out over the river, April took a deep breath. There were seagulls squawking high above the water. The sky cracked with thunder, dark clouds taking over the expanse as far as the eye could see. She made her way down the slope of broken concrete; it used to be a retaining wall that kept the riverbank stabilized in this once glorious city.

She could smell the rain on the wind; it didn't even feel fresh anymore. Precipitation only heightened the stench of smoke and death and the heat made it even worse. Her lungs felt heavy - she could never get enough clear oxygen.

April stopped a few paces behind him. Leo was squatting on a piece of concrete that stuck out of the river at a low angle, watching the water flow by as it carried all the filth this world spit up. She knew he heard her approach but he made no sign to move, his black coat feathered out behind him like a raven’s tail.

“Leo…” she cleared her throat before continuing, “It’s good to see you.” Her voice cracked.

“I got your message,” the turtle replied. After a pause he stood up and turned to face her. He looked ghastly: his skin was pale, the once forest green hue having lost its vibrance, and there were more lines on his face than the last time she’d seen him. She also noticed a crack in his dark glasses as it reflected the light.

“So you’ll help? We need someone to lead one of the rebel teams to—“

“I know.“

“There is something else…” April pressed on, “Mikey got heavily injured on his last mission. He’s in the ward. He asked me if…” but she couldn’t finish as her voice drifted off into silence.

Leo’s face fell. He opened his mouth, then closed it and turned away from her.

April drew a shaky breath before taking a step forward to put a hand on his shoulder. “He needs you.”

Leo stood unmoving as he digested this information. After a while he took a step out of her reach and started walking away, leaving her behind. “Tomorrow, 6 a.m.” he said under his breath.

“Leo…” April whispered. Something was pulling at her insides. Things couldn’t go on like this, she had to get him to talk. “No… Leo, please wait!” She ran after him but the turtle kept walking, ignoring her.

Growing frustrated, she stopped to yell after him in a broken voice, “I need you, too!”

That stopped Leo dead in his tracks.

His shoulders sagged in defeat. Still with his back to her, he turned his head slightly as he said, “...I can’t protect you anymore. None of you.”

She took four big strides to catch up to him, her anger rising as she forcefully jerked him around so he would face her. “Stop thinking about yourself as nothing more than a tool! We need you to be there because you are family and we can't lose each other again! Don’t you understand?!”

“Everyone dies, April. It wouldn’t make any difference.”

“Not if we stick together! We can win, if you could just--”

“Did you tell that to Casey, too?”

The slap across his face came out of nowhere and with more force than he’d expected, turning his head sideways. His cheek burned as his blind eyes widened behind the cracked glasses.

“...I expected more from you,” her voice dropped in warning.

“People change. I’m not who I used to be. Neither are you,” he replied in a level tone.

“Circumstances may change how we react to certain situations but deep down nobody really changes.” April’s expression softened a little as she continued, “Your heart is in a good place but you have to let go of the guilt. You’ve been carrying it around since Don had disappeared. And then...Master Splinter and Casey..." She took a shaky breath. "It wasn’t your fault.”

Leo winced but didn’t say anything.

April pressed on, “Leo, you still have family waiting for you to come home.”

_Please come home with me._

“Raph doesn’t—“

“You can't repair something that's broken if you won't even try. He’s your brother. He needs you too and you know it,” she said, her tone not accepting any argument.

Leo took a deep breath and slowly exhaled it. April was right… He’d have to bury the shame and help where he was truly needed. He still had two brothers who were alive and doing their best to stay that way. And he also had--

Tilting his head in a thoughtful manner, he tried to picture what she must look like now. Reaching out tentatively, he touched April’s arms and slid his fingers up around her shoulders, to her face, mapping out a mental image of her. Her frame felt bonier than ever but that didn't surprise him - food was scarce and hard to come by. Her hair was chopped short. Was it still red? As he cupped her face he could feel the few wrinkles on her skin. The years of brutality and war had left their imprint on her but she still felt just as beautiful and strong to him as she’d ever been.

Then, an image flashed through his mind: April, looking up at him with knowing eyes. Pleading for him to stay.

His throat clamped up at the memory and he let her go.

“I’m sorry,” he croaked.

April blinked in surprise. “What do you--”

“For leaving without a word all those years ago. Especially after we’ve...” His voice died in his throat.

April’s face fell. Leo never brought it up before. She’d often wondered if he felt any guilt about what had happened between them. She didn’t want him to.

“...I knew you were going to leave, Leo. I accepted that.”

“I…” Leo faltered and stood silent for a minute, face turned downwards.

April stepped closer. “Leo, it’s ok.” She put a hand on his cheek as she continued, “I know you care about me and I don't think of you any less for leaving when you needed to get away. I never blamed you for any of it.”

Leo leaned into her touch, keeping quiet. He looked vulnerable in his guilt. April pushed his glasses up to take a better look at him; the turtle winced as the light hit his eyes. She cupped his face with both hands and caressed him soothingly. Then, leaning in slowly, she captured his lips in a chaste kiss.

“Both of us needed comfort and I’m glad we could give that to each other,” she said quietly after breaking contact, leaning her forehead against his. “I’m glad it was me you sought out to find solace. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you more...”

“You gave me everything,” Leo whispered and closed his eyes with a painful expression. It’s been sixteen years and he could still remember the silkiness of her skin, the way her red hair fanned out on the pillow like a halo and the sound of her gasping as he made love to her.

He leaned forward and all but crushed her boney frame against his chest in a tight embrace, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

_I need to make this right._

They stood there quietly for some time before he let go and stepped back. Taking a deep breath, he said, “I’ll meet you at HQ later.” With that Leo turned to go but after a few strides he stopped. He addressed her without turning, his voice now clear and steady, the tail of his coat dancing in the wind.

“I love you, April. I always have.”

“I know. I love you, too,” she replied, tears pricking her eyes.

He disappeared into the rising fog without another word.

April remained there long after he was gone. She sat down near the riverbank and watched the murky water despite the drizzle that had started coming down. So many years went by… their life, now just a hollow echo of what it used to be, slowly dragged on in this forgotten wasteland. Every day was a struggle, with no guarantee that they would see the next. But they still had their little broken family and as long as they stayed together, they could rise against the tide and deal with whatever the future had in store for them.

April sighed and closed her eyes. Maybe, just maybe… things would be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the tear-jerking ride - I certainly loved writing it. Thanks for reading! <33


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